


Please Don't Make Me!

by stargazerdaisy



Category: Agents of S.H.I.E.L.D. (TV)
Genre: Drama Queens - both of them, F/M, SO MUCH TEASING, Teasing, Vague AU, Ward is a whiner, and banter, and joking, and snark, and so is Thomas, where the Wards are assholes but not monsters
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-06-08
Updated: 2017-06-08
Packaged: 2018-11-11 08:28:28
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,074
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11144661
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/stargazerdaisy/pseuds/stargazerdaisy
Summary: They've been roped into a social event and Ward really, really doesn't want to go.  Skye teases him for all his whining and challenges him to find a way to enjoy it.  And boy, do they.





	Please Don't Make Me!

**Author's Note:**

> Aka where Daisy decides she wants to write something that is 90% dialogue and most of _that_ , banter. So I went through my dialogue prompt lists and tried to shove in as many as I could. Enjoy the utter crack that is this story!

Ward was pulling on his shoe when he looked over at Skye, and for the fifth time in seven minutes, whined, “Please don’t make me socialize! We can just stay home and that will be so much better!”

She didn’t even pause to look at him, just calmly continued pinning her hair. “Just like the last 17 times you’ve asked, I’m going to answer the same way. We’re going and you’re going to be fine. So stop whining, act like a grown up, and maybe try to enjoy yourself.”

Ward grumbled under his breath, “I don’t even know why we have to go. It’s not like we actually want to be there or they want us there.”

Skye rolled her eyes again. “You know exactly why we have to go. Because _your_ brother invited us, the one you actually like I might add, and you want to go support him. It’s not every day he graduates with a Master’s degree. Plus, I thought you were proud of him for going into Social Work and wanting to help people.”

“Well...yeah...but still,” he growled. “Doesn’t mean I want to spend an entire evening with the rest of them. Let alone be stuck in a suit.”

“Says the man who basically lived in a suit for the first few months I knew him,” she scoffed. “Geez, I thought you were a toolbag back then, but at least you weren’t a whiner. What have I done to you? You’ve loosened up so much, but at what cost?” 

“Ha. Ha. You’re so funny,” he replied in a monotone voice. 

“I am, aren’t I?” she grinned, then softened just a little bit. She reached over to straighten his collar and adjust his tie. “I’ve gotta say though, you look pretty damn good in a suit. So I certainly am not complaining.”

“Oh yeah?” he said, that familiar cocky smirk appearing on his face. He grabbed her hips and pulled her closer. “Pretty sure you like me better _out_ of the suit.” 

Skye laughed and pushed him away. “Nice try, Robot. You’re still not getting out of this. Now hand me my bracelet off the the dresser and we’ll be on our way. But maybe, just maybe, if you behave yourself tonight, I’ll see if there’s a way I can make it worth your while.”

Ward groaned again, but for an entirely different reason now. “You’re going to be the death of me. You know that, right?” 

She pulled on the bracelet he offered and winked. “Oh, I know. And you’re welcome. Now come on,” she beckoned, walking out through the doorway.

* * * * * 

“You could have at least taken me somewhere high, so I could jump off,” he grumbled.

“I’m regretting it myself,” Skye replied. “I would be throwing you off right now. But no, your parents insisted they host the party here. They couldn’t even build their ridiculous estate on a cliff. I think the best this house could offer is that third floor balcony. It’s like they calculated how to make everyone as miserable as possible and eliminated all the escape routes.”

A laugh finally broke from Ward. “You wouldn't really throw me off, would you?”

Skye pursed her lips, thinking. “I don't know. It's tempting. You've been so obnoxious, I'm not sure whether to kiss you or slap you. Plus, with you out of the way, I could make a move on Thomas. He's actually making something of himself, might be a good time to get in on that. One less Ward sibling to share the inheritance with, plus I'm sure they actually _like_ him.”

“Yeah, but Tommy doesn't have cheekbones like these,” Ward argued, hearing the joke in her tone and playing along.

Skye sighed dramatically. “Damn, you've got me there. Fine, you win. I won't trade you in for a newer model just yet. I do kinda like you, I guess.”

“Damn straight,” he said smugly, pulling her a little tighter as they continued twirling around the dance floor. 

Skye rolled her eyes affectionately, but smiled because her husband was finally letting go of some of the tension in his shoulders. Being around his parents was rarely easy or comfortable for him, but it usually got a little better when she could tease him into relaxing. 

After a couple more dances, Skye tugged on his arm. “Feed me or I'm going to faint,” she demanded. 

“Faint or swoon? I am fairly confident it's the latter,” he joked back 

“Faint or throw up on your shoes. Not sure how swoon-worthy that would be,” she deadpanned. 

“Well then, milady. We better feed you.” He led her from the dance floor over to one of the many tables laden with food. “I'll give my parents credit for this. They may be judgmental jackasses, but they serve good food and lots of it.”

Skye was too busy taking a huge bite out of a cupcake to respond with more than a grunt of agreement. She quickly swallowed, “Reasons why we came. Though, I must admit, the taco bar is kind of surprising me. I didn’t expect your mother to ever allow such a thing in her house.”

“It was probably Thomas’ doing,” Ward said.

“What was my doing?” a voice came from behind them.

Spinning around, Skye found herself face to face with the aforementioned younger Ward brother. “Thomas!” she squealed, rushing to put down her (overfilled) plate. “How about a hug, hmm?”

“Sure thing, Short Stack,” he said, wrapping her up in an embrace. 

“Ew,” she muttered against his shoulder, then pulled back. “I thought I told you not to call me that.”

“You did,” he agreed. “I just don’t care.” 

“And to think I brought you a present,” she scoffed, crossing her arms. “I think I’m going to take it back now.”

“You wouldn’t do that,” Thomas chuckled, totally nonplussed. “I’m your favorite Ward family member.”

“Hey!” Ward cried indignantly. “She _married_ me. I’m obviously her favorite.”

“Meh,” shrugged Thomas, then cracked a grin. “Just kidding, big brother. Of course you’re her favorite. Though heaven knows why she’d put up with you.”

“We’re definitely returning your present now,” Ward grumbled, pulling Thomas into a hug. “Congratulations, man. A Master’s degree is no small accomplishment. Way to go.”

“Thanks,” Thomas said, blushing slightly. “I still can’t believe Mother talked me into a party like this. I just wanted to go out for burgers or something. I swear I only know maybe a third of these people.”

“Does that even matter?” Ward asked. “It's just an excuse for her to show off her hosting prowess and hobnob with Dad's political buddies. I will bet that you're making a profit on the evening though.”

Thomas gave him a sardonic grin. “You're probably right. I guess that doesn't completely suck. And I did manage to talk her into the taco bar, no matter how horrified she was to start with over it.”

“Speaking of that excellent choice,” piped in Skye. “I need to sit down and properly stuff my face with this bounty. Oh husband of mine, will you please find us a good place to sit?” She batted her eyelashes at Ward who smiled indulgently, then led her to a corner of the room where a couple chairs were squished next to an end table. 

“Is this sufficient, wife of mine?” 

“Beautifully so.” She kissed him on the cheek. “Thanks, babe.”

The three of them settled down and began eating. In what seemed no time at all though, Mrs. Ward appeared and beckoned Thomas away to come meet some important people. (Not without giving Skye a long, slightly disdainful look down her nose and Ward a pleading, disappointed one. It wouldn't be a real Ward family function with those.) As he was led away, Thomas glanced back, mouthing, “Help me!”

Skye mouthed back, “Sorry, bro,” while Ward gave him an encouraging thumbs up.

“He's so dramatic,” Ward commented. 

“It runs in the family,” Skye reminded him. 

“Right. And there are absolutely no dramatics from my better half,” he teased back. “I didn't once rush into the bathroom, after hearing bloodcurdling screaming, expecting to see a space ninja attacking, only to find a tiny spider as the cause of your woe? Or what about the time you cried for three days after reading Little Women? Or when you were so angry over an episode of Jersey Shore that I had to take away the keys before you drove down there yourself to give them a piece of your mind? But, sure, babe, drama is a Ward family exclusive.” 

Skye scowled, but the longer she stared down her husband, the more the corners of her mouth twitched. Seeing this, knowing she was about to crack, Ward kept smiling at her. The wink was what finally did her in and she dissolved into giggles. “Fine! You've got me there. You're not alone in your dramatics. But you have to admit, the spider was not that tiny and I'm like 84% sure it was venomous.”

Ward laughed. “Whatever helps you feel better.”

She huffed a small laugh, then bumped his shoulder with hers. Glancing around the room, she looked up at Ward and whispered, “You think anyone will notice if we leave now?”

He grimaced, “Unfortunately yes. Well, they won’t notice that we’re leaving, we could totally slip out. But they will notice in about an hour when she’s ready for the toasts. We’re Wards. We’re expected to be there.”

Skye pouted for a moment, then a sly grin grew across her face. “What if we just sneak away for an hour then come back for the toasts? I’m willing to bet we can find something more entertaining to do than sit around in here.” 

He quirked an eyebrow at her suggestion. “And where or what exactly did you have in mind?”

Skye leaned forward whispered in his ear. 

“Really? That?” He was more than a little surprised.

She nodded, smile growing until it was taking over her face.

His own grin turned wicked. “How can I turn down an offer like that? But I swear, if we get caught I’m completely throwing you under the bus.”

“If we get caught, it’ll totally be your fault for not keeping the volume down. I love you dear, but you can get _loud_ ,” she pointed out. 

“Care to bet on it?” he challenged.

Skye rolled her eyes as she stood. “Shut up and meet me in there in five minutes or I’m starting without you.”

Ward watched her sashay across the room, and thought, for not the first time, that he’d married quite the woman.

* * * * * 

“How freaking dare you!” Skye screeched.

“All's fair in love and war, sweetheart,” Ward chided.

“Nothing fair about a red shell,” she muttered under her breath. “I'll get you back.”

“You can try, but I doubt it'll work. I am the King of Mario Kart.”

The two of them were so focused on the screen and bickering with each other, they didn't notice the door open and someone enter the room until said person was standing right behind them.

“You snuck away from _my_ party, came here to play video games, and didn't even invite me?!” Thomas shrieked. 

Ward jumped what felt like three feet into the air, causing the controller to jostle in his hands. That gave Skye the opening she needed to zoom ahead of him and cross the finish line just before he could. 

“Victory!” she shouted. 

“Not fair!” Ward protested. “Thomas ruined my concentration.”

“I seem to recall someone saying ‘All's fair in love and war’ just a few minutes ago,” she said. “Now, who could that have been? Who was it?” She tapped her chin thoughtfully as she mused.

“Ugh, you're the worst. Using my own words against,” he groaned, then rounded on Thomas. “It's your fault anyway. I was just about to beat her!”

“You ditched me!” Thomas cried. “You could have at least told me where you were going.”

“And risk Mother hearing? Sorry little brother, but you're not exactly subtle.”

“So you leave me to the wolves? Harsh. I thought we were a team.” Thomas crossed his arms in consternation.

“Are you two done yet?” Skye said. “You're here now. If you've finished your whining, you can get your ass over here and grab a controller. I swear, all you Ward boys are the same: whining and drama.”

Thomas quickly dashed over to the couch and shoved his way in between them. Settling back against the cushion, controller firmly in hand, he took a deep breath and announced, “My body is ready.”

“Okay there, princess,” Skye scoffed. “Hurry up and pick a character. I want to get back to kicking your brother's ass.”

Ward snorted. “Kick my ass, sure. More like stare at it, because that's the only view you had since I was ahead the entire time.”

“Don't be gross. Besides, I won, didn't I?”

“Yeah, on the fourth race. Only because Tommy interrupted and distracted me.”

Skye grinned. “Well good thing he's here. I'm ready to rack up the Ws.”

“That was the lamest trash talk ever,” Thomas deadpanned. 

“Shut up,” Ward and Skye quipped in unison. 

The race began just then and Thomas quickly shot into the lead. His brother and sister-in-law seemed to be more focused on messing with each other than they were on him, so he was sitting pretty. They would bump into each other, trying to knock the other off course or into an oil slick, they kept launching green shells at each other, pretty much anything they could do to ruin the other person’s race. And they were succeeding, bouncing back and forth at 7th and 8th places, while Thomas maintained 1st. 

“Final lap!” the game announced.

“Not that it matters if there was only one or twelve laps left. You two are so busy messing with each other, you two couldn’t catch up if you tried. But it’s working out for me, so by all means, continue,” Thomas taunted.

At his challenge, Ward and Skye’s eyes met. Ward nodded slightly at Thomas, Skye narrowed her eyes and bobbed her head in agreement. 

“HEY!” Thomas yelled. “What was that for?”

“What?” Skye asked innocently. “Oh, was that you in the front? I didn’t realize.”

“Liar,” he growled. “You totally sent that blue shell on purpose.”

“Why Thomas, how could you ever think that of me? I’m clearly way too busy messing with Grant to notice anyone else.”

Ten seconds later.

“SON OF A BITCH! Dammit, Grant!” Thomas screeched.

“Oh, was that you?” Ward said blandly. “I was aiming for Skye. Sorry, I guess.”

Twenty seconds later, Thomas had fallen to 4th, while Skye and Ward were in 2nd and 3rd respectively. 

Realization dawned on Thomas. “You two are ganging up on me!”

“Yeah we are!” Skye hooted. “That’s what you get!”

“Not fair!” he whined.

“Totally fair,” Ward shot back. “That’s how the game goes.”

“And I’m about to wiiiiiiiin!” Skye called, zipping into 1st place with the Finish Line just ahead.

“Oh no, you don’t!” Thomas said, shooting a shell her way.

“I got it, babe! You just win,” Ward assured, dashing his car right in front of the shell. Taking the hit himself allowed Skye to cross the Finish Line in front of everyone else.

“WOOHOOOOOO!” she cheered. “I beat you! I beeeeeaaat you!”

Thomas buried his face in his hands. “I can’t believe you beat me. I am mortified. Can you be swallowed by the earth when you’re on the second floor? Because I should be right now. I can never show my face again.”

“Ugh, good,” Ward teased. “I’ve seen about enough of it anyway.”

“Shut up,” Thomas groused. “We all know I’m the prettiest one in the family. You’re just jealous.”

“Jealous of what, exactly? Your-”

Ward stopped abruptly when the lights flipped on unexpectedly. All three of them turned to the doorway, only to find Mrs. Ward standing there, looking frostier than Skye could ever remember seeing her, which was really saying something.

Thomas gulped, Skye turned red, Ward attempted to explain. 

“Mother! Hello. Um, we were just-”

Mrs. Ward held up her hand to silence him. She narrowed her eyes at them all, then focused on Thomas. “It is time for the toasts. If you have finished hiding out like a child, it would nice of you be there while your guests wish you well.” With that, she turned on her heel and stalked off down the hallway.

The three culprits looked at the carpet for another moment. Then, quietly, a sound escaped Skye. 

“Oh no, you can’t,” Ward pleaded.

Then Thomas looked at her and they both lost it. They were laughing so hard, tears were streaming down their faces, and before long, Ward had been sucked in as well. They were flopped across the couch, clutching their stomachs, gasping for breath. Finally, they all wound down and were finally able to stand again.

“I can’t believe we just got the Glare of Death from your mother!” Skye said. “Has it always been that scary?”

“Trust me, you never lose your fear of that,” Ward commented.

“Guess I better go meet the firing squad, I mean, _my guests_ ,” Thomas sighed.

“Lucky you,” Skye replied.

Thomas leveled her with a look. “You’re coming too. If I have to suffer, so do you.”

“Of course we are,” Ward assured. “We’re _Wards_. We’ll be right behind you.”

Thomas took another deep breath, looked back at the TV wistfully, and then walked out the door.

Still giggling softly, Skye slid over next to Ward and wrapped her arms around his neck. “Thanks for the assist, babe.”

Pulling her into his lap, he nuzzled her neck. “Anytime. Someone has to keep his ego in check.”

She laughed and gave him a sound kiss. But when he tried to deepen it, she pulled away. “Oh no. If you start that, we’ll never get out of here, and I think we’ve scandalized your mother enough for one day.”

With a groan, he agreed and helped her stand. “I hate it when you’re right,” he complained while they each smoothed their clothes back into place - spending 45 minutes doesn’t exactly do good things for a suit and Skye’s dress had shifted and ridden up.

“Later, I promise,” she winked. “I told you I’d make it worth your while, didn’t I? I never break my promises.”

**Author's Note:**

> Thank you to Airaze and Cupcake for their Mario Kart knowledge and feedback that it was funny to others and not just in my head.


End file.
